15? Who Knew?

When I was 15 I knew I wanted to be a mom. I wanted this for the unconditional love. Which is weird since I was just then "hating" my own mother, its like I knew I loved her anyway but refused to acknowledge it.

The past 2 Weeks I have been tracked out from school, it has come at a perfect time. I am enjoying the weather and Henderson so much. Being a mom is hard but it is so much better than I would have imagined at 15. Today for instance H could not fall back asleep from his nap, so I brought him into our room where he finally got comfortable on me. It was perfect. Later he woke up and just smiled at me and gave me a hug.

I am enjoying this being home thing so much. But I do know for my sanity working is good for me. It keeps me busy and gives me the break I need and I have a tough job, which I love. Its a perfect balance. I dreamt of being a stay at home mom but those were not the cards dealt to Adam and I just yet. I would rather focus on Adam and law school and me working since it's what is best for our family. I do wonder what things will be like when baby two arrives. I love Henderson so much and wonder at times if my heart is big enough to share.

It seems that in the middle of my messed up 15 year old brain I did have an inkling of what I wanted and what my life would have turned out to be. I should have focused more on that voice rahter then the others. Oh well, they are lessons learned.